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The Tournament of Stupiditity

You knew this day would come. The idiots have overpopulated, and this is our way of controlling their population.
OK, I shouldn't take advantage of a catalog page, but there's just so much room! Please, send suggestions for contestants in to ShineNoMiko@Sailormoon.com. Remember, they have to be from an anime! I might need a picture, stats, and a profile, so please, send those in as well! Thank you! I'm your lovely announcer! On with the tournament...


Round One: Relena VS. Sakuya
Announcer (Me!): Welcome to Round One of the Stupidity Tournament! Our contestants are Relena and Sakuya! Battle of the hussies! Who will win? We can only hope that they both die, thereby freeing Heero and Tenchi! Now, LET'S SEE SOME BLOODSHED!
The crowd cheers. People are holding up little flags with the words "Die, you stupid whores!" on them, that they bought at the sovenier stand for five dollars.
Announcer: In the gray corner, we have Relena! In the red corner, Sakuya!
The crowd begins to throw rotten fruit as they step into the ring.
"HEEEERRROOOOOO!!!! Where are you?" calls out the dishwater blonde.
"Tenchi?" says the obsessive girl.
Two people run out onto the ring, and whisper to the girls. They run out of the ring as fast as their legs will carry them.
Relena looks at Sakuya.
"You put the moves on Heero!?!?!?!"
"You're one to talk! I know where you put your hands on Tenchi!"
"Liar! I would never go him! Heero is my DESTINY!"
Blank looks are exchanged. They both blink. A box is dropped into the ring by a helicopter. They walk over to it and open it.
Many household objects are found inside it. Relena picks up a coffee maker. Sakuya picks up a dictionary.
The two glare at each other.
"YOU WILL PAY, SLUT!" they yell in unison.
At the same time, they each hit themself on the head with their object. They both pass out.
Announcer: This just in! Whoever wakes up first will be declared the winner of this match!
***
Hours later...
Relena wakes up, sahking her head slightly. The crowd boos and hisses.
Announcer: Relena is the winner! Who will fight in the next tournament? Stay tuned to see!

Round Two: Mihoshi VS. "Hercule"
Announcer: Welcome to Round Two of the Tournament of Stupidity! It's Mihoshi VS. "Hercule", alias Mr. Satan. Mihoshi is the blonde Galaxy Police officer from the Tenchi series. I have nothing personal against her, but a friend suggested I put her in. "Hercule," on the other hand, I severely dislike! He reminds me of my father. This "Hercule" character is from Dragonball Z, and the father of Videl, who doesn't resemble him at all! "Hercule" is a very stupid man who refuses to believe that he is weaker than anybody at all, and he has an afro. He shouldn't be hard to spot, folks; he's very tall, no da!
The restless audience is waving flags sporting the words "Die, "Hercule," you moron!" that they bought for seven dollars, because they are larger than the previous flags. Kiyone can be seen in the audeince. Quite easily, too, because she is the only one with a pro-"Hercule" flag ("Die, Mihoshi!"). Mihoshi and "Hercule" are pushed out into the ring.
"Kiyone? Tenchi? Anybody? Where am I?" cries out the confused blonde.
"I'm supposed to fight this weakling?" booms the man, who is incredibly stupid, even for a man.
Somebody runs out into the ring and whispers to Mihoshi, then runs over to "Hercule" and whispers something as well. They run away as fast as the possibly can.
Mihoshi pulls out her gun and points it at "Hercule." "Stop in the name of the law! I am Galaxy Police Officer Mihoshi! You are under arrest, Hercule, for your crims as a space pirate! You have the right to remain silent, and uh.."
As she reaches for her ID, the contents of her pockets fall out all around her. She begins to cry.
"I can't remember!"
"Hercule" laughs.
Mihoshi picks up her gun. She points it at him again. She pulls the trigger, and a bullet flies towards him with aim unusual for her. It goes through his head.
"Hmm?" he says.
Daylight is seen through the hole, though no gray matter or anything similar is seen, anywhere.
Mihoshi fires again, this time getting him in the chest.
Announcer: Mihoshi is the winner! This match was unusually short!
All the crowd cheers. except for Kiyone, who collapses in tears of frustration.
"Yaaaayyyyyy!" Mihoshi yells out in joy.





Round Three: Rini VS. Yuli
Announcer: Welcome to round three of the Tournament of Stupidity! It's Rini VS. Yuli! Rini, from Sailor Moon, was originally known as Chibiusa, before DiC got ahold of her! I have nothing against Chibiusa, but I hate Rini and I hate DiC for how they dubbed her! Yuli is just a bratty little boy from Ronin Warriors, who Ryo hit. Ryo got alot more fans after that. Now, on with the tournament!
Rini and Yuli step into the ring, leaving behind the people whispering to them. The crowd is cheering for Rini, because they hate Yuli even more.
Rini holds up her transformation wand, yells out her dubbed transformation call, which I do not remember, and becomes Sailor Minimoon.
"I am Sailor Minimoon! I right wrongs and triumph over evil! On behalf of the moon, I will punish you!" she yells, doing the arm poses.
She pulls out her bell. "Crystal Twinkle Bell!"
Yuli is hit in the face repeatedly by small pink hearts made of energy.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Seeing that it isn't efficient, Rini hits him over the head with the big bell. Yuli falls to the ground, unconscious.
Announcer: Rini is the winner! This match has been unusually short! Wait! What's this going out into the ring?
White blaze prowls out into the ring and eats Yuli.
Announcer: Yuli won't be in any more matches! Well, that's the end of this round!
Round Four: Amagazaki VS. Dubbed Miaka

Announcer: Hello and welcome to Round Four of the Tournament of Stupidity! It's Amagazaki from Tenchi in Tokyo vs. Dubbed Miaka. Our contestants were chosen on a whim. Amagazaki because he's a dumb, ugly perv. Dubbed Miaka because I cried when I heard the dubbed FY voices. I have nothing against the Original Miaka, but Dubbed Miaka scares me.
::in the crowd, the Original FY cast can be seen cheering for Amagazaki::
Announcer: Now, let's get on with the fight!
::Dubbed Miaka and Amagazaki are shoved into the ring::
Dubbed Miaka: I will beat you! ::laughs evilly, and the audience cringes, along with Amagazaki::
Amagazaki: AHHH!!!! My ears! ::falls to his knees::
DM: Hmm? What's wrong? Is there something wrong with my voice?
Everybody: YES!
DM: ::sniffles, and begins to cry::
Amagazaki: ::falls completely, and begins to twitch uncontrollably::
DM: ::cries louder::
Everybody but Amagazaki: ::puts earmuffs on::
Amagazaki: ::his head explodes, sending blood and grey matter everywhere::
Everybody: Ewww....
DM: ::screams as Amagazaki's nose lands on her shoulder::
Announcer: ::turns on the "It's safe to take off your earmuffs" sign::
Audience: ::does what the sign says::
Announcer: Well, that's the end of Round Four, which means the preliminary rounds are over. Next time, it's Relena vs. Mihoshi.